The countdown now reads 4 days plus

Paper on Monday was okay. I don't have high hopes because, as I answered the questions, I know there was stuff I didn't really know, as well as stuff I know I answered wrongly. The consolation is that all parts were attempted, even though it seemed quite short of time towards the last hour. Well, just hope it's enough to pass. It's the third time I'm attempting the paper. The first time I didn't study; the second time I barely had enough time to study. This time, at least I tried to commit some stuff to memory, so even if I can't do the computation, I think can do some theory questions.

I'm really more worried about the next paper. Even as I read the questions, I have no idea how to do them. Also, seems to have more computation, and this time looks like I need to practice doing questions, rather than just look through them.

Nonetheless, a devotion I read just now reminded me that if there is anything worth committing to fully, it would be unto God.

"For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." - 2 Chronicles 16:9

So, as important the exams are right now, may I not forget my good God who strengthens me with all that I need.

Rom 5: 1 to 11

Romans 5 TNIV (Today's New International Version)

Peace and Hope

1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10 For if, while we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.


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Life sometimes can get too comfortable that we forget that virtue of Perseverance. I, for one, seem to have gotten less disciplined as the years pass. Maybe is the fact that I earn my own keep, am an adult, can make my own decisions, know the ways of the world, what needs to be done, what doesn't...that it becomes not as important to be disciplined and to find ways out of our miseries asap.


I read a superb write-up during my devotions using the Every Day With Jesus booklet. Which I will extract below:


Today we ask ourselves: What is the point of diligence? Why keep persevering with a task? I'll tell you why. It is because it is the arena of perseverance that true character is forged, shaped, tempered and polished. It is in the daily grind -- in the hard and often tedious duties of life -- that the character of Jesus is given the maximum opportunity to be reproduced in us, replacing what Charles Swindoll calls that 'thin, fragile internal theology with a tough reliable set of convictions that enable us to handle life rather than escape from it'.


Listen to what the apostle Paul says about this in Romans 5:3-4: 'We also rejoice in our sufferings, [why?] because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope'. Because life is a task, we need strength to face it, not speed to escape from it. When the foundations shake beneath our feet, when Christian friends or even leaders allow themselves to fall into immortality, when the anchor points of civilisation disappear, when the bottom of our world seems to drop out and brutal blows push us up against the ropes and pound the very life out of us, we need what diligence and perseverance offer us - willingness to face whatever comes, determination to stand firm, knowing that Jesus is not just with us but in us, insight to see Christ's hand in everything, and character enough to continue.


Without diligence, we will stumble and fall. With it, we can survive and overcome. The astute of this world are wise enough to recognise that no advances can be made in life without diligence. How much more ought we, who name the name of Christ and have Him living within us, recognise this also?

How do we pray?

I recently caught an episode of Brothers & Sisters. It's a family drama. Such a rare treat these days to be able to sit down and watch a show.

Anyway, one of the stories in that episode was about a son (Justin) being enlisted to join back in the war in Iraq. He is a combat medic.

As he prepares to go back to war, he decides to "say good-bye" to his family members by spending individual time with them doing the things they love. E.g. Joining his gay brother in a musical, even though he hated muscials, offering to go with his mom to a museum to catch a particular exhibit.

However, one day in the kitchen, Justin gets into an argument with his mom about his gestures of saying good-bye. The mom insists that when he says good-bye, he is referring that he may not ever come back. And because of that, she refuses to go with him to the museum, and in that sense, she refuses to let him say good-bye to her.

She wants her son to believe that he is going to come back, just like she strong believes he is going to come back from the war. But, he is unable to do so, because he knows the danger and risks involved, and knows there is a possibility he may not return.

This made me think about the attitudes we carry when we pray. Some pray like this mother. They strongly believe, and they are going to pray that one way. That the son will return. They will entertain no other thoughts or possibilities. Others pray like the son, knowing the dangers and uncertainties, cannot believe that he will certainly return.

I wonder how exactly does God intend for us to pray. Do I pray with great faith and believe for what I hope will happen? Or do I pray also knowing the real possibilities of things going a few different ways? I don't think I have the answers, but think a hybrid model should suffice for now.

What is Worship & Why do we worship?

The fiance and I are taking a night class at TTC. It's a course called, "What every Christian should know about worship."

It basically serves to educate Christians to be able to think critically about our sunday worship, and seek to enable Christians to participate in meaningful discussions about sunday worship.

I went because I thought it's been a long time since I learnt some new things or insights into worship. Plus, it's quite boring nowadays, since I don't need to attend acca lessons.

My main takeaways/ food for thought from yesterday's class:

• How can we inject more mystery in our sunday worship?
• How can we include and consider the community in worship?
• Worship is coming to God's presence & responding to Him.
• How can we better cultivate a spirit of reverence in our worship?
• Focus more on hospitable worship, rather than intimacy.

The answers to the two questions in the title:

1. What is worship? -- To me, to put very simply, worship is about coming to God's presence & responding to Him (in praise, thanksgiving, confession, etc.)


2. Why do we worship? -- To meet our needs. People have two needs, one is the need for mystery (of God), and the other is the need for community.

We will explore more next week on the Bible & worship.

That day at the Bus 93 bus-stop

Some time, some 10 over years ago, I once stood at a bus-stop, missed many buses I was suppose to board for home, and just listened to this worship cassette tape over and over again, praising God and singing for Him.

Perhaps that's nothing unusual. Except I was singing out loud and probably hand-gesturing and bobbing to the music alot. Of course, it's a pretty secluded bus-stop with very low traffic, so obvious movements only when no one else was around. Think I was there for a few hours...or at least it felt like a few hours...I know I missed a few buses..and 93 frequency isn't exactly high.

Anyway, the title of the worship album was "We are One". I really enjoyed the varied African beats and musical arrangements, even with a Boys choir singing/ leading some songs. Many songs in that album I liked, but I think the one on repeat the most was "We lift our eyes", still remember how I enjoyed joining the chorus at "Father we declare..."

Why am I mentioning this? Because I'm currently reviewing a VCD of this album!!! Imagine the thrill of revisiting the excitement of probably the first time I so freely and truely enjoyed worshiping God with songs and music.

It's funny. 'Cuz just yesterday, I was in the doldrums for being involved in the worship ministry. I was lamenting and dreading why I had to wake up early on Sunday mornings for duty (& sometimes non-duty days), why I have to attend a meeting none of my peers would have attended, why I got so many to-do items when all I want to do is revise for exam.

Then, God's Word gave me some relief in 1 Sam 30: 6, "David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the LORD his God." (Read whole chapter for context)

And now, God helps me recall and experience renewed the joy and passion I have whenever I serve Him in this area. Time check: 1.24 am. So, even though I have to put in extra hours in the day, so that I can squeeze in time to prepare and plan for the church camp worship, I am enjoying it.

Sidetrack -- though on a related issue, nowadays, live worship albums are so different from the live worship albums of before. The live worship albums Integrity used to produce are really gems. I find the new ones more "manufactured"-sounding. The "oldies" were very well connected...song to song...with the worship leaders prayers and the congregations live praises.

Did Samuel finish well?

The new sermon series is launched. And we're encouraged to do quite abit of reading from the books of 1 and 2 Samuel, and 1 and 2 Kings. Also, David Wong's book, "Finishing Well".

It's good to read. It feeds the mind. I suppose....if we're reading good stuff.

A few nites ago, I read from the book of 1 Samuel and came across Samuel's parting shot. The book is not chronologically arranged, so oso dunno how parting shot is this parting shot. Anyway, he said some interesting words.

Suppose, Samuel is referring to his God-appointed ministry. But, I took the verse and also apply it to my vocation..and all spheres of life, since there should not be any compartmentalization.

"But be sure to fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things He has done for you." - 1 Sam 12:24 (read also vv23 -25).

It spoke to me, because it highlighted three action points that I could do to combat the struggles I was currently facing. (1) Fearing God - so that I may avoid sin. (2) To serve faithfully, in view of point (3) - so that I will remain joyful and faithful at work and ministry. (3) Remember GREAT things He has done - so graciously and abundantly my God gives, how can I not honor Him and respond in faithfulness towards Him.

WIP

To some extent, what I blog about reflects what goes through my mind. Last year, one prominent or regular feature, was my adventures in the Music Ministry. The various events, the journeying. This year, in rather starck contrast, there has hardly been any entries on that.

Yes, on one hand, I'm just trying to lie low and avoid work. Yet, my responsibilities remain, so work really still is there.

The affirming thing is that I think God still wants me to serve in this area.

Something new is that I'm currently involved in plannning for worship at the upcoming church camp. It's not a very big, heavy task. Also, my ML is very involved, so I don't feel like I'm left alone to handle things.

Typically, I think very hard and long before taking on new things to do. But, this time, I didn't think very hard or very long. Partly becuase it's a one-off thing. And partly because....I thought, when I'm the one who is coordinating, I get to shoot the arrows. Wahahaha!! Coordinators should not burden themselves with the day to day running of the things. They oversee. They render guide and help. But, I suppose, in the Christian Kingdom, it also includes servitude as leadership. So...hai...still not so great a thing to be IC.

Anyway, some things are kicked-off. I'm excited to see if my envisioning is acceptable...e.g. choice of songs, people. The operational like teaming and detailed selection of songs etc...kiv till I have abit more time to think.

Meanwhile...to remember to walk with God throughout the process.

Suddenly Stressed

Last night, I happened to check email and received an email that gave me some amount of stress. It's a email comms to start the thinking/ planning process for an upcoming Family Concert. Actually, was hoping to fly under the radar and under the cloak of "I'm busy with school work" and try to escape with as little work as possible. But, ethically could not bring myself to do so.

I suddenly felt the burden of ministry. Which I believe is not uncommon to alot of people involved in ministry. I mean, I think it should exist.

The stress comes because it's quite scary to represent a whole sub-community of people. I don't know at any one time who is available, who is enthusiastic, who wants to do what, or the exact opposite (not avaialbe, not interested, have no ideas).

Then, I was reminded of the Anew process. Which was to go to God at each point. I was also reminded of David's example, to seek the Lord at each juncture. I was at a roadblock, how would God direct me.

I ask myself and God the questions, what does He want out of the young adults through this process? How does He want to bless the BES community, and the newcomers or non-believing family members who come for the Family Concert? What can we do? Who can be the key-catalysts?

Obviously, I don't have the answers for all. But, I'm waiting to see how it unravels and unwrap. As, I am sure, God will bring us through.

So, prayerfully, I humble and seek...once again.

Sojourn to Kent Ridge Park

Felt rather oppressed/ stifled/ frustrated by some work matters close to lunch time today. And decided I need a breather. Excused myself from usual lunch kakis, bought a sandwich, and drove up to KRP for lunch & QT.

I read from the book of Ephesians; caught up on my readings for Lent; prayed for a few people; and committed my current frustrations to God.

It was good to be refreshed by God's presence and fellowship.

Had wanted to sit on one of the benches facing the Port...but it was too hot. I parked under a big shady tree, so it wasn't too bad afterall.

Interestingly, on my way back to work, when I turned on my CD player...some randomly selected songs became such apt response songs. Song 1: I heard the concluding choruses of one of my favourite remixed hymns - Father let me dedicate (by Passion). It just kept echoing...Be Glorified....Be Glorified...

Song 2: Planetshaker's Big...how the words in the chorus seems to comfort me...

He's my God/ He's my refuge/ He's the rock on which I stand/ He's my fortress/ God He is my life/ He holds the oceans in His Hands....There's nothing my God cannot do....

Why is there Daily Manna on top?

Even though the Word of God is not one area I'm emphasising on this year....every now and then I'm reminded of how fundamental and life-changing it is.

Reading through this week's devotion, I'm reminded once again, to let the Word of God reshape my attitudes, choices and values. Had fun paraphrasing today's little exercise based on Eph 4: 25-29.

I've decided to plaster the Daily Manna on top of my posts, to encourage myself to stop and read God's Word every now and then. Apparently, similar tools are plastered on several other websites I visit regularly...thanks for the effort, my web-designing friend =D It really helps to re-tune and read His Word every now and then. If can stop to meditate...even better.

Hmm...kinda reminds me of the Jews who place Scripture at their door posts.

Learn more about the Mezuzah.

A supplement

I am still often surprised at the wealth of resources freely available on the internet.

Found this Spiritual Growth Assessment tool, one can refer to. So, this can be an additional tool or reference for anyone keen to further chart their spiritual growth.

Early this year, at cell group, we were on the book of James, and talked about the importance of making plans. It came to my realisation, that for alot of things in our lives, we actually make plans and follow-through with actions. But, not so much, for our spiritual growth.

I, personally, tend to think that I will grow regardless of whether I actually plan or not. I suppose the same mindset applies for a number of other things. But, I realised the difference planning makes. Things move along in a more directed and intentional manner, thus better ensuring that we reach our goals.

So, is planning important? I'll have to say, yes. And planning with God in mind, and in partnership with God, now, that's Godly wisdom.

Haha...my CGLs would be so proud of me, still can remember the lesson. Oh wait, I think I co-taught that lesson ;p

Turning 20

Since 40 is the new 30, by simple logical deduction and argument, 30 is therefore the new 20.

So, I turned 20 last weekend.

Momentous -- definitely.

As a gift to self, I gave myself a flaming red hairdo. When I look into the mirror, I kinda feel like one of those angry manga characters ready to launch an attack on her enemies. *Fierce with a touch of mischief*

It's a good time to do a stock-take of how life's been. The last one I did was just about 1.5 yrs ago. So, there hasn't been that much that happened in between. Or has there?

As a teenager, I couldn't see past the age of 20. I've always told my peers in secondary school that I would like to die before I turn 20. Nothing much to look forward to after that. But, over the past 1.5 years or so, I've seen the 30-something people live such full and meaningful lives (at the same time not looking old), that I really concluded that 30 is the new 20, and 40 is the new 30. So, the boundaries of age has been pushed further. I look at my late 40 reaching 50 parents, and think that they can probably still have another good 10 to 20 years ahead. So, it's not too bad to be 50 either.

So, in many ways, life has just begun for me. I'm about to stop playing and exploring the possibilities, and be serious and focused about how God is directing my life.

Focused, directed living out of God's calling in obedience. That's seems to be something that is floating in my mind. Not that God really has some specific calling for me, but from what's been revealed so far, I only need to respond in obedience.

I still count worship/ music ministry one of my passions. I still think I may have some sort of inkling part to play in the nurturing of saints, perhaps in the small group setting. And at the turn of the year of 07, perhaps a door is opening to another area of ministry... Not that I'm looking forward to fulfilling greater responsibilities. But, these are to be taken in light of God's process of sanctifying, developing and moulding me towards perfection.

Okie. Enough of the serious reflections.

I've been exploring how to celebrate this momentous day of turning 20. I would like it to be different. Not just spend it alone with a special someone. I mean I have any other day to do something like that. The Lord impressed upon me to appreciate the people around me, who made my life possible. Him, of course. And my family (how i love my family). And, my spiritual family...the bros-&-sis I hang out with every Fri/ Sun. And some special friends who have shaped my life in some way or other.

So, then I toyed with the idea of holding a BBQ. I consulted with my newly crowned bf if a BBQ is a good idea. He graciously didn't object, and went ahead to coordinate everything for me. As my bro puts it, "He'll (bf) soon learn that your (qq) birthday is also his birthday." Hmm...not so sure if I'm looking forward to having two birthdays in a year ;p

Anyway, it was more an excuse to gather friends I treasured more than anything. And, I'm so glad to see them on that day. Thank you for "baptising" me in the pool! *roll-eyes*

PS: All ages above are doctored numbers. Do not be too confused ;p